F.I.N.E!
this is the exclusive and unedited version of this chapter which was a little too fruity for the book, please dont read it (or write to us) if you can't handle a rude word!
See the blog for a true story about how this changed someone's life!
(taken from 'cut to the chase' )
F.I.N.E
BAZ GASCOYNE
One of the things I hate about church more than anything else is the lack of honesty that can often be seen. In every Sunday and mid-week meeting, people are welcomed and asked the same thing, 'How are you?'. Every week the same answer is given, 'Fine thank you, and you?'. 'Oh fine.'
If the truth was really spoken, the person who is fine may well say, 'Actually I'm not fine', and inform the enquirer of the struggles they are experiencing. But the fear in all of us is that this would be received with a horrified look of, 'I don't really want to know what is going on in your life, I was just being polite.'
Well, I am on a mission to ban the word 'fine' in the church today. Why? Because the gospel (the good news of Jesus) is not for 'fine' people. It's for people who are broken, helpless, who are in pain physically and emotionally. It's for the lonely, depressed, angry, bitter, the struggling, people with addictions and fears without hope or a purpose. It's for people carrying unforgiveness in their lives and who are bogged down with their sin. It's for the bereaved, misunderstood, the wealthy and the poor. Whatever condition the person's life, heart and mind is in, this is who Jesus is for and not a fine brigade.
Billy Graham once said, 'I've listened to too many sermons and seen too many Christian films with happy-ever-after endings. Becoming a Christian isn't the end of your problems, it's the beginning of you facing up to them.' (Get Real, Mal Fletcher, Word Books, Nelson Word Ltd, 1993.)
I think of a gentleman I met at a recent church gathering who always seemed very cheerful and fine when you asked him, but who recently committed suicide. Obviously, he wasn't as fine as he appeared. We need to create an environment where people can come with all their crap and be accepted and loved to such an extent that will encourage them to open up and begin to let God into the areas that need healing and forgiveness.
There is the well-known saying: 'People need to feel they belong before they believe and before they behave.' But for too long the church has said: 'You need to believe and behave before you belong.'
We need to create environments where it's OK to be honest; where leaders are leading by example and showing that its OK to be vulnerable.
A good friend of mine called Gaz decided a few years ago to train as a counsellor. He chose a secular counselling course as he felt he would get more honesty among the rest of the group. So on the first day of the course, after all the introductions, the leader of the course said the following: 'There is only one rule whilst we do this course together and that is that the word "FINE" is banned.' The reason? 'Because it stands for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.' Apparently, this statement led to nervous laughter.
The following week Gaz arrived at the training centre to be greeted by 'Hi Gaz how are you?' to which Gaz replied, 'Fine thanks'. Quickly realising what he had said, he blurted out, 'Oh shit, bugger, I'm not fine,' to the amusement of the rest of the group.
What a great story and what a great meaning for the word fine. Most people have felt like this at some point in their walk with God and yet worry what people would think if they own up to it. Most guys are desperate to be able to say how they really feel without feeling that they are going to be looked down upon or written off. Well gentlemen, I have felt 'fine' many times and I'm sure I will in the future and no one is going to stop me from admitting it because they want nice comfortable meetings. 'Nice, comfortable meetings' never change a thing but a 'God meeting' certainly does. I keep saying to the church that I am a part of if we have a hat-trick of 'just good meetings' we should close the church as the only thing that makes a difference is a 'God meeting'.
For those of you reading this with a weak heart, high blood pressure or a lower shock threshold than me, someone recently gave me a nicer version of FINE: 'Feelings Inside Not Expressed'.
Whichever version you prefer, I want to encourage you to take a risk and express what is really going on in your life with someone you know, trust and love and begin the process of unravelling all that baggage squashed inside that is bursting to get out.
People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams.
(Norman Cousins)
Why should you and I be robbed of our dreams and the dreams God has for us because we are obsessed with our fears? Being honest robs the power of those fears.
So if someone asks you, 'How are you?', why not answer truthfully, be it 'Fantastic' or 'Crap actually'. Of if you ask someone else and they answer, 'Fine,' why not ask them what that really means?
What I like about so many characters in the Bible is that they were transparent with what was really going on in their lives. So we have men who were warriors, full of passion and strength, but also men with weaknesses. Abraham was known as a friend of God but he was also a liar. David messed up but then owned up to it as soon as he was confronted. The mighty Paul would happily let people know about his past and his feelings of unworthiness: he was not afraid to be himself and for others to see this. Look at 1 Cor. 15:19; Eph. 3:8; 1 Tim. 1:15.
We need a greater freedom among the men in the church so that we model what is so evident in the Bible: WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get). Hey, maybe I could put that on a rubber wristband and make my fortune!
So let's take a risk and build relationships that are real. Are you wearing a mask afraid to be yourself? Are you angry, bitter, hurting even contemplating suicide but wondering if you can really be yourself and tell someone? Well, the answer is yes. How do I know this? Because I have, and still am allowing, the real Baz to be seen and people are still here and have not dumped me. I am discovering who I should be and who God wants me to be.
Philip Yancey says, 'There is nothing I can do to make God love me more and there is nothing I can do to make God love me less.' Why not take a risk and see that it is true. Stop being 'fine' and be you because that's who God intended you to be. All God asks is for me to be the best Baz Gascoyne I can be. All he asks of you is to be the best whatever your name is.
'A man who is fine will not achieve anything or feel fulfilled as a man; a man who is real, transparent and vulnerable will become a Man. The Man God intended him to be.'
Questions to ponder...
• Do you feel FINE today?
• What feelings inside have you never expressed?
• Will you take a risk today and be honest with a mate about what is really going on in your life?
• Do you want to know the freedom that Jesus offers